Forever and a day

There’s a song that has always been on of my favorites. The names are nor ours, but the story is.

9 amazing years! Time that has passed so quickly at times and so slowly at others.

“I want you for my wife.” you said.

No Irony, no doubt, just you.

And that was all it took for me to be yours forever. and a day.

So, this is my love song to you! Happy Anniversary Lover! 🙂

Shannon had all but given up when she and William fell in love.
She touched his face and shook her head.  In disbelief she sighed and said
“In many dreams I’ve held you near but now at last you’re really here.
Where’ve you been? I’ve looked for you forever and a day,
Where’ve you been? I’m just not myself when you’re away.

He asked her for her hand for life and she became a billing man‘s wife.
He was home each night by (six or) eight  but one stormy evening he was late.
Her frightened tears fell to the floor until his key turned in the door

Where’ve you been? I’ve looked for for ever and a day.
Where have you been?
I’m just not myself when you’re away.

(and what our babes will sing MANY years from now…)
They’d never spent (many) a night apart.
For 60 yrs she heard him snore.
Now they’re in a hospital
In separate beds on different floors.
Shannon soon lost her memory, forgot the names of family.
She never spoke a word again
Then one day they wheeled him in.
He held her hand and stroked her hair
In a fragile voice she said.
Where have you been?
Ive looked for you forever and a day.
Where have you been?
Im just not myself when your away.
Im just not myself when your away!”
 
 
 
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Dear me…

 

I found Emily’s blog today and LOVE THIS IDEA! so here’s my letter.

 

Dear Me,

You are older now…32 to be exact. You are married to an amazing man and will celebrate your 9th anniversary next week. You have 2 amazing daughters and you are BLESSED to be able to home school them and just be with them.  The life you are planning for yourself now, will not be. Don’t be sad about that! We turn out great.

I’ve often thought about what I’d say to you if I could ever got the chance, if it were possible.  I find myself at a loss for words simply because there are so many!

I want you to know that YOU ARE WORTH IT! Worth every thing you are waiting for, worth everything you think you’re missing out on. The wait will be worth it in the end.  Being a homebody isn’t a bad thing! God will have protected you from much!

But that doesn’t mean that you  have to hide! You don’t have to pull yourself into yourself, you are precious and WORTH the knowing. You will regret the friends you didn’t let yourself make, the people you were afraid to know.  Making friends is a very beautiful thing!

And speaking of beauty…have you looked in the mirror lately? As a 32yr old version of you, I don’t see what I remember seeing. I see a beautiful girl…someone with so much ahead of her. So many amazing things. Someone will a very cute smile and great hair! At 32 you will still not be crazy about the hair (right now we’re wearing it super short) and hopefully in a few more years we’ll love it a bit more.

Some people say that’d love to go back and warn themselves to take a different path or make a different choice. I understand that, but I don’t share their desire to change your path. Sure there will be things you regret, things that you will look back on and shake your head, but in the end the path that you choose leads you to a good place. A solid place. A SPACIOUS PLACE. A place where you are loved and able to love. A place where the things you are learning now will make a difference.

However, if I could tell you a few things, I would.

Like:

1. don’t try so hard to fit! This is something you still struggle with. Do your best to just be you!

2. Keep that sweatshirt! You’ll wear it to smooth…and you’ll still love it!

3. pay attention in school. This studying to pass will kick your butt later.

4. Sing and be bold about it! Don’t just try to fit in there either.

5. BELIEVE in yourself!

6. Play the cards you’ve been dealt. Look at them closely but don’t hide the ones you don’t like. They are you portion…they will make you a Story!

At 15 you see life as mundane and pointless. The next 8 years will be filled with a bit of depression, a bit more mundane and pointless, a few years of college, a few more of Christian University, but at age 23 you will meet a man who God will use to change your heart. He will love you for you and help you to love you too.

LIFE IS NOT HIGH SCHOOL! You will survive it and You will look back on this picture and see more. so much more!

Your self,

Me 🙂

 

dying with sleeping trees

“my desire for you is for you to fulfill your passion that God has given you!  So what is the desire of your heart from God?” he says.
i sit down to reply as the tears run down my cheeks. 

there was a time that answer came so quickly 

yet i’m on a new journey
one where my flesh dies
and verses that once blessed feel like flesh ripped away

the band-aids that used to work just don’t anymore

the flesh underneath is dying…slowly.

beneath the death will be just spirit…but how does she walk around in this body and not be flesh?

how does Galatians 2:20 work?   

I seek and wait walking through sleepy trees and work out this part of salvation with many tears and much trembling.
knowing that this flesh MUST DIE that what’s beneath it is so beautiful. 

I am finding myself dwelling on the words of Paul in Philippians 3-4:1

knowing that my past self wasn’t as smart as she seemed..wasn’t as confident in the flesh she pointed to.
seeing that the past is not where those who SEEK dwell.
ever looking forward
pressing harder and harder 
knowing where i am headed because my  “…CITIZENSHIP IS IN HEAVEN, and from it I await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform my lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.”

and somewhere in there 1 John 2:27 is still true.

yet it a non-me kind of way.
where the Galatians 2:20 verse is more true somehow.

i think it’s in the sleepiness that the trees find their strength.

in the quiet losing of leaves and the chill of winter
to bloom more radiantly in the spring.

i’m hoping against hope that I’ll resemble them…but not as the fleshy me.

as the SPIRIT filled Shannon who removes herself so it’s ONLY HIM! 

soon…i wonder if spirit bleeds as much as my flesh is now?




Like finding water on my bedside table

sometimes my girls surprise me with their love.

“what are you doing Boo?” I ask as she’s taking forever to lay down with me for nap time.
“bringing you something” she says.
and I don’t look, i just wrap her in my sleepy arms.
she squirms, i groan
we sleep

we wake to my lover calling “I’m home!” as my oldest gets out the bread and pb/j for dinner.
opening my eyes I see my Boo yawning, rolling over and faining sleep until i tickle her awake.

it’s late and they’re sleeping now.
i go to my bedroom in search of headphones so i can focus and write…and there’s her present.
on my bedside table…very sticky from her little hands opening it for me.
a bottle of water…

sometimes I think God’s love for me is like that.
heard through worn out ears
not sought or even desired
yet FOUND in the quiet moments
when I least expect it.
and i’m the sticky one…the one who needs to be opened up.
and He’s the One who’s living water is being poured in.
and it’s BEAUTIFUL!