shed some light on this gift

i’m not the best mom…i miss that elusive mark ALL THE TIME!

yesterday was one such mark-missing-day. and in my venting and rage Jesus shed some light…

a few weeks ago Pastor taught a message on the GIFT of JESUS.

how He’s A GIFT so we can’t earn his love.

he’s a GIFT so we get to choose what we do with the love He offers.

how that THE FATHER has given us Jesus as a GIFT that He will never take from us.

that this GIFT of Salvation that only comes from JESUS, is a FREE GIFT!


so after i “gave” my youngest one of my old dolls…one of my favorites that i’ve had for 25 years…and she drew hair on him and lost part of his outfit, all in the span of 30 minutes…i QUICKLY forgot what a gift was.

Webster defines “GIFT” as “something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation

voluntarily….without compensation…

after losing it yet again, i went to lay down and raged at God. you know the “why can’t they________?”s that mom’s ask knowing the answer is because they’re kids and they’ll learn with practice and time.

God’s answer was to remind me of that sermon…that in order for a GIFT to be so, it is given, not with stipulations or obligations on the recipients part, but with expectation of the joy of its reception. and my job as the giver of this gift was to rejoice with my 5yr old toe-head as she added hair to this bald baby who was missing it.

one thing i did right that day was to call her to me, tell her that the GIFT OF JESUS is a gift that we can’t ever earn. He will never leave us because we treated HIM “wrong” and that He has offered us Himself and we get the choice of what to do with His Love! That His offer to be with Him forever is a FREE gift and IT’S THE BEST ONE.

i know she didn’t get all of what I said, but I did. i know that as she looked at me with tears in her eyes, i was the one that needed to ask forgiveness. not only of God but of her little precious self as well.

after lots of lovin and cuddles, I got what He was shedding light upon.

and Boo got her doll back…who still is missing pieces and now has hair.



hope there are no words that help

nothing I can say to make them feel better

my love isn’t big enough?

i want it to be. I pray that its size won’t matter when it really matters.

I watched this today and was amazed by the words of someone that could easily have been without hope.

born without arms or legs….without a chance at “normal”what is normal anyway?! Yet, he clings to Jesus Christ and finds that HOPE only He can give.

a friend wrote down a quote from this amazing servant of Christ:“…we are wonderfully and fearfully made and until you can actually understand that we are wonderfully and fearfully made from God, I want you to know that you will always be trapped and chained and you will be stopped.  But when you have the incredible power of faith in action, nothing holds you back and you’re beautiful JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.”

ANOTHER MAN said it first!

aking chosen for his heart. a flawed man who ruled a nation. a might man that went down in history. a man acquainted with grief, misery, and SIN. yet he knew that God was his maker and that he was loved…always so, beloved heir of GOD, this applies to you as well:

He has searched you and knows you.He knows when you sit and when you rise;He perceives your thoughts from afar. He  discerns your going out and your lying down;    He is familiar with all your ways.Before a word is on your tongue the Lord knows it completely. He hems you in behind and before, and lays His hand upon you.  Such knowledge is too wonderful, too lofty to attain.

Where can you go from His Spirit?

Where can you flee from His presence?

 If you go up to the heavens, He is there; if you make your bed in the depths, He is there.

If you rise on the wings of the dawn, if you settle on the far side of the sea, even there His hand will guide you, His right hand will hold you fast.

 If you say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to Him; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to Him.

 For He created your inmost being; He knit you together in your mother’s womb.  Praise Him because YOU ARE fearfully and wonderfully made; His works are wonderful, you know that full well.

  Your frame was not hidden from Him when you were made in the secret place, when you were woven together in the depths of the earth. 

His eyes saw your unformed body; all the days ordained for you were written in His book before one of them came to be.

 How precious are Your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!

Were we to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sandwhen we awake, we are still with you.

(Ps 139:1-18 personalization emphasis mine)



if i had my druthers i’d build a crafting room in my garage.

our garage is the same size as our house, if you’re wondering how it would work.
when i was single, i used to make mosaics. the shop was just down from where i worked, so many nights rather than go home to an empty apartment, i’d join my other single girlfriends down at Mosaic Madness and play.

many a night was spent gluing down broken glass while laughing.

i still have two of the pieces i made…both of which are dust-covered and toy cluttered.

i don’t have room to make them now…

kids have taken up some

toys have taken up much

love has taken up most

what i love about mosaics is the broken pieces that create this picture.

something broken making something new…such an awesome thought.

i haven’t been by the shop in 10years now, but they used to have two options. use the already smoothed and broken pieces, or break them yourself. I ALWAYS CHOSE THE LATTER!

something happened when I placed a sheet of colored glass inside a zip bag and smashed it with a hammer.

sometimes i’d have some pretty nice sized shards and others that were smaller but fit just perfectly in the open spaces.

it was therapy…creation.

THE FATHER does that with us doesn’t He?

Sometimes He takes our pre-broken and shaped pieces to create this masterpiece that is us.

but other times…oh the other times.

we are shattered…smashed by this life

crushed by our sinful selves

or even crushed by HIS hammer of perfect love that we can’t quite understand no matter how hard we try.

and it’s ok…it’s quite good really, when He creates a masterpiece out of the mess we make.



time it really does wait for no man.

growth happens in the meantime

and i’m glad of it.


Heartless by Anne Elisabeth Stengl (a book review)

This is my first ever book review, not that I plan on doing many others. But anyway :),THIS IS A GREAT BOOK! The first in The Tales of Goldstone Wood series by Anne Elisabeth Stengl.

Heartless is a fantasy book full of Faerie beings, princess drama, love, and mystery.

The story follows Princess Una in her dramatic search for love and The Prince of Farthestshore’s devotion to her despite her refusal of his hand in marriage.

Wound into this story is the truth of Jesus’ devotion to us! I love, only finishing, books that aren’t corny when it comes to Christianity. I hate it when authors make believers out to be fake and weird. This book definitely doesn’t do that!

Ok enough of the “let’s write a review”-ness and let me tell you why I liked it.

Princess Una is a coming of age princess who thinks she knows what she wants. She has this idea of the life she wants inside of her head, yet has NO CLUE about what life really is. So, she falls for the first moron who shows her attention, despite the fact that he doesn’t get her eye color right when he serenades her. Get’s all in a huff when he flees from the kingdom seeking another way to pay his debts. She scorns the honorable suitor because he isn’t exciting enough, yet falls for the court Jester who tells her so little of himself.

She eventually succumbs to her desires for a love she shouldn’t, and turns into a heartless dragon who thinks she ONLY deserves the fire that is fueled by her pain. Only when she lets herself be killed by The Prince of Farthestshore’s love, when he gives her his heart, does she see what He was offering all along.

This is so like so many of us.  Accepting what we think we want only to regret it later.

Princess Una turned into a monster who listened to the lies of “death in life” and loathed herself for it. Even though she knew the Dragon was a liar…she let him persuade her that he wasn’t.


As much as I hate the way so many Christians girls, and women, act like Jesus is their boyfriend, I love the truth that we are His BRIDE.

That He will do and HAS DONE everything possible to woo us and win our hearts.

And should the most horrible of things happen, should we lose our way completely, if we give our heart away and it gets crushed or burned to smithereens, He will give us a new heart…HIS HEART OF FLESH!

And THAT is the most beautiful of TRUTH!