Would He?

My times spent in Scripture begins with an Old Testament passage. I spend time reading the history of God’s people…my history.  i originally went into this adventurous time  with the thought that “the God of the Old Testament” would somehow be different than the “God of the New”.

but the irony is that HE’S THE SAME!  There is so no difference!

He is merciful in both. JUST in both. LOVING IN BOTH! yet for some odd reason its common to hear “the God of the ___Testament” is evangelical churches.  it’s kinda stupid actually.

so as i have been reading His Story I’ve come to see MY FATHER as more loving than before.

Throughout all of His Justice, His mercy is very present. Through all of His “wrath” His Love still resides. It’s beautiful really.

and the majority of the Major/Minor Prophets were used of God to speak to nations that parallel ours.

nations full of hate for HIM.

nations that thought more of themselves than their neighbors.

nations that traded the truth for a lie.

so i wonder…if not for His mercy of sending His SON TO DIE FOR OUR WRETCHEDNESS, would His WRATH have been as severe today?

would He smite us too?

would He exile us?

would He have our enemies enslave us? taking our children from our homes and making a spectacle of them later?

would He after misery and tears, RESTORE what the Locusts had eaten?

would He? after we’ve broken all of the law? would He?

i don’t know…but i do know that I AM SO HONORED TO BE HIS! I am overjoyed that He chose to send my Savior to show me another merciful side of Himself. to die in my place!


little mouse

I don’t know how other people’s marriages work, but mine is pretty amazing.

I have a man that I can talk to you about real things. all the time.

Saturday we had a discussion that’s had me thinking all week.

You’re very stand-offish” he said, and ironically I know exactly what he meant. he wasn’t saying that I was rude and hateful but that I have a hard time opening myself to other people. so we talked about it and the hard truth is that he’s right.

I don’t Open up very easily…not with many people. he’s the only one I’ve ever opened up to completely. Besides my mentor on good days.

I watched a movie once that talked about being an open book and how that specific things can be read on certain pages. like page 5328 says “I had made a big decision today.” page 9047 “I couldn’t sleep last night”

I’ve always wanted to be that way. trying really hard to be real all time.

but to be open it means I let you in and you can hurt me.

you can see all of my parts that are raw and vulnerable. as much as I think that that would be very cool-it scares me to death and I don’t know if I have a what it really takes to be that way.

there’s a song by all sons and daughters that I talked about here. The chorus says “You have called me higher
You have called me deeper And I will go where you will lead me Lord.”

I was singing that song in the car today, really wanting it to be a prayer and a true statement.

“And I could hold on, I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside And I could be safe, I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home. Never let these walls down”

I love that.

this being open…this being raw is a choice.

a choice I know that I need to make. a choice I know that must be made in order for me to make any kind of difference.

can I just say that I’m terrified but I know that this is what the Father is calling me to do?!

for the first time in a very long time I’m standing on the edge of an abyss terrified that I need to jump. knowing that the fact that I will jump makes all the difference. knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that HE will catch me. that I won’t be falling but I’ll be burrowing deeper into Him. being like Reepicheep and being able to go “further up and further in”.

because I’m just a little mouse.

a small servant.

my smallness is making me bold.

me. open terrified mousy me.

in my weakness is strong…and so here I go…
I’m diving into His will…striving to be a more open me. A braver mouse.

Pray for me friend?

“I will betroth you to me forever…”



all women want it in some way, shape, or form.

either we want to be courted, swept off of our feet, noticed, betrothed to, or even captured and left breathless.

WE ALL DO! (unless i’m a weirdo and know only wierdos)

Hosea was a prophet. THEY categorize him as a minor prophet-but as a MAN he was far from minor!

it took A LOT of strength and trust in God for him to love Gomer-his harlot wife!

the Bible doesn’t say anything about his appearance, but i’d like to think of him as striking and bold in feature. a man who would turn heads, but wasn’t conceited…a Godly man (like mine)

all we do know is that he was strong in character.

i mean seriously, to marry a prostitute who bore at least 4 children by other men. a woman who prostituted herself by choice!

maybe she had been abused and felt that she had no other lot in life.  maybe she knew no other way like Mrs. Rivers portrayed her. maybe she wanted to be free, but didn’t know how.

or maybe she just liked being worshiped…or liked to worship other men.

all i do know is that she had a man who wanted her and OBEYED GOD when told to “Go again, love a woman who is loved by another man.” (Hosea 3)

He bought her again…and again…AND AGAIN!

what an amazing love story! a love story of redeeming devotion.

i’ve often wondered if Gomer ever turned to Hosea in the quiet hours of the night to reciprocate his affection and love. or if she was robotic and apathetic as he loved her.

this story…these two real people…were used by God to say some amazing things.

their relationship parallels ours, as the church today just as it did Israel’s then.

and i for one am tired of playing the harlot!

tired of seeking another’s arms-empty arms that never leave me satisfied. empty arms of another prince.

i am ready to walk as THE ONLY KING’S betrothed (Hosea 2:19-20)

to do my best to return to HIM  the steadfast love (Hosea 6:6) and adoration that He so devotedly bestows on me.

and if…OH IF  He chooses to heal and bind me up (Hosea 6:1) and rain righteousness upon me (10:12) well…that will just be a bonus!

because i’ve come to the place in this love, that i’m tired of only being held by HIM. I want to turn and hold on tighter!