i didn’t choose to be a nun

“what do you want to be when you grow up?” she asked as we floated in our flip-side pool pretending to be in a big one.

“a nun or a mom.” was always my answer.

“but what else?”

“nothing else.”

every time i give my testimony, it begins something like this:

“i always wanted to be a nun or a mom. and since i’m not Catholic, i’m a mom.”

giggles and head nods usually follow.

“mom” is defined as: a female parent. but “mom” is so much more than that. 

she’s a  late night snuggler, a definer of words, an answer-er of questions, feeder of mouths, changer of diapers, tickle monster, doer of laundry, player of repetitive games, reader of repetitive books, color-er of pages, lover of husband, and is honored to love her children.

whether she works outside of the home or not, she is so much more than “a female parent.”

i miss my girls when they’re not with me. i don’t know what to do w/ myself when they’re absent.

i’m sure to some it would seem that i have no life. that i’m stuck at home all day. or that i have actually ever had a bonbon or watched a soap opera.

BUT I DON’T SEE IT THAT WAY!

i am living my calling.

not always with a sincere smile on my face, not always w/ a quiet and gentle tone, but LIVING it nonetheless.

yesterday #2 asked me, “what does a soul look like?”

“it looks like who you really are. we are a soul with a body on.” i replied.

her sister went on to explain it in kid terms.

i looked at #2 as her little mind switched topics and smiled.

it’s an honor to be their “female parent.” to watch them grow. to start to understand the world around them. and in all of that, i pray that i’m living my calling to the fullest.

not only putting their needs before my own, not only struggling to learn patience, but LIVING this MOM Calling.

and not only because i’m not catholic, but because THE FATHER chose me for this calling. CHOSE ME!   me with all my faults, with my temper, and with my “what about me?”s.

i was hand picked to be their mother. and i’m humbled by the thought.

do i fear messing them up? YES!

do i fear they’re missing something because this moron is their mother?  YES!

but as in all things i hear HIM say, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”

and i know that when i am weak, then i am strong!

and ya know what, i don’t think i would have chosen to be a nun anyway.

~s

P.S. you. yes you, dear mother. you are precious. you are doing the most difficult, most fulfilling JOB there is. you are shaping lives. being used by THE CREATOR to help grow a person. you are ENOUGH! Jesus offers strength in your weakness. Rest in your exhaustion, and joy in the sad and difficult. how do i know? BECAUSE HE IS GIVING ME THE SAME THING! and I know i couldn’t live another day if He didn’t. so hold your chin up, and embrace this mom-calling. i’m rooting for you from here.

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “i didn’t choose to be a nun

  1. S. Rae — what beautiful and precious words on motherhood! I loved this post. And I always LOVED being a mom {and then a single mom} as I raised my three darling boys, now grown men and all living more than 2,000 away ;( The empty nest season of motherhood is not as much fun and certainly not as busy. I began this transition two years ago when the first one moved out and while it has gotten much easier and I mostly enjoy my new freedoms, I still miss those baby days!! I don’t think you sound like you have no life for missing them when they are away. You are so spot on: you ARE LIVING YOUR CALLING and reveling in every wonderful moment. God bless you and your sweet girls. Visiting from Tell His Story…

    • Thank you dear! I pray your empty nest season will be sweeter than you dreamed it would be! 🙂 thanks for coming by today.

  2. You are such a good writer! I’m a grandmother now, but your words brought back a lot of memories of when my boys were young and asking questions. I had the same fear, messing my boys up; but they turned out just fine in spite of me. Thanks for the memories.

  3. Hi Shannon
    A great post as always!! Yes, Mommy-hood can be quite a vocation! Not always easy, but so very rewarding. My two are young men now and I am grateful that I also stayed at home when they were small.
    Much love XX

  4. Oh, goodness. My great-aunt was a nun, and I used to correspond with her as a kid. She could only write back twice a year, and I only got to meet her once, but I don’t remember it.

    After I read The Nun’s Story, I wanted to be a nun–or a missionary nurse in Africa. But we weren’t Catholic either. I did become a nurse, but haven’t been to Africa yet–except online. Because aren’t we all missionaries in this space?

    I

    • Yes ma’am we are! Living Jesus is what we are called to do EVERYWHERE He lets us tread. Even here. Thanks for sharing your day w me!!

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