who may i ask, are you?

it takes years to figure out who YOU are and what YOU believe. not who OTHERS say you are and should believe. THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE.

before this year, my life had been pretty easy:

wake up, love and school my babies, clean the house, love my man, eat a few times and feed the crew a few times, sleep. REPEAT.

but 2015 HAS CHANGED ME!
at age 18 i graduated high school and left the nest. i spent the latter part of 1998-2001 in junior college learning the diversity of secular normal kids my age. i loved every minute of it!

at 21 i moved to the big city. this time i saw the diversity of the Christian culture at Bible School. I learned who NOT to be during those years, and maybe a little of who i wanted to be too.

when i no longer had enough money for school, i headed out on my own to try and find out how i fit in a world where NO ONE told me how to act, what to wear, or who to be, or how i should see and understand God.after a year or so i thought i’d found my place…until i turned 23.

that year i met and married a man from across the country. He showed me A NEW VERSION of who i wanted to be: his wife, his lover, the mother of our children, the keeper of our home.

LOVER, FRIEND, MOTHER…

but it wasn’t until this year, after 12 years of marriage and nearly 20 as an adult, that my faith was tested to a new limit. i have asked myself often what i believe about life, about love, about relationships, about Jesus and what it means to follow Him.

i’ve come to see that people are ALL JUST PEOPLE, regardless of age, struggle, sickness, color, or religion.

WE ARE ALL A MESS!

not one of us has “IT” all together.

ALL the “HEROES” are people…just normal, everyday, people like you and me.

all the parents…all the spouses…all the clergy…all the children…all the aged…ALL OF US ARE JUST PEOPLE.

ALL OF US are desperately lost without Jesus, and like 1 John 5:12 says, “Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.”

all of us cry, worry, act, and react. all of us have struggles, and fears, and “i don’t want to” days. all of us love, hate, live, and eventually die.

we all get “it” wrong sometimes, and are happy EXSTATIC when we don’t.

all of us are lonely at times and need someone, anyone, to show us that they care and maybe hold our hand.

WE ARE ALL THE SAME deep down-someplace. JUST. THE. SAME.

my hero is dying. yes, it’s hard. yes, i vent and cry and fall apart. yes, my husband patches me back together more this year than he ever has in our past 12 years. BUT i’ve discovered so much about myself:
i need to let myself be weak and RUN TO ABBA. “for when i am weak, then i am strong!”
I know that when i feel alone, I AM NEVER ALONE!

i have seen a controlling part of me that I LOATHE…a worrying part of me that i pity…a little girl part of me that is terrified of life without her Daddy!

BUT i’ve also rediscovered the STRONG ABBA-KNOWER in me!

the woman that remembers how to PRAY HARD AND LOUD!

the woman who IS SO SICK OF THE ENEMY AND TELLS HIM SO!

The woman WHO KNOWS GOD’S WORD and askes for Abba to remind her of the parts that are a bit fuzzy.

i think maybe i forgot that part of myself…but i love that ABBA didn’t. my BELIEF IN WHO ABBA IS just needed a good spit shine!

hello, my name is Shannon but i go by S.Rae in cyberspace.

i’m broken, mended, furious, and at peace. i’m happy, hungry, curious, solid, afraid, and bold. i’m a teacher of my children, a student of Abba God. i’m the lover and friend of my husband and the mother of 2 amazing children. i’m the daughter, caregiver, and hand holder of my hero. i’m a crier, a pray-er, a broken and patch wearing Christian.

i’m S.Rae-human.

i am a woman learning to be a better follower of Jesus. a woman learning to love more. a woman who is learning to follow Jesus and His Word with less doctrine and tradition mixed in. a woman learning to hold tightly to Abba’s hand in THIS moment, reminding myself that “tomorrow will take care of itself.” (Matt 6:34)

who may i ask, are you?

~s
p.s. it’s ok if you don’t know! i’m not sure any of us ever really do.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “who may i ask, are you?

  1. Pingback: who may i ask, are you? – choikos

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s