holidays are the hardest.
last Easter i went to church with him. my mom, sister and her family were here. dad was happy. reading and posting entries from the journal i kept last year, brings everything to the forefront of my memory. how it felt to hold his hand when we got the diagnosis. how it hurt to watch him cry. how i knew that i’d miss his snoring. Feeling Holiness touch me as I sat with him our last Easter.
Tomorrow is Good Friday. I wondered for a long time why it was called that.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
i get it now.
“For the JOY set before HIM he endured the cross…Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
The JOY set before Him was US! MY DAD! ME!
Jesus Christ Died so we could live!
He chose to die because Life with US for eternity IS JOY! His CHOSEN JOY!
Father, it is hard not to be sad. So very hard. I miss my Daddy…terribly. Thank You for calling me to journal his last year, and that You for asking me to share it. I don’t know who will read it, if anyone will, but I know the remembering for me is healing. If there’s anyone who needs to know it will be ok in the end…that mourning ebbs and flows like the tide, but you survive it. If anyone wonders how they will make it…I hope that by reading my messy thoughts, they see YOU! Your Hand that guided me through. Your hand that held us both as we walked the cancer path. Your arm that is now around my Daddy’s shoulders as he sits and talks with You. So, Thank YOU ABBA for loving my Dad and for dying to set him free!
HAPPY EASTER, FATHER!
I hope you are well, dear friend. Trusting Jesus when life is so hard you can hardly breathe, isn’t easy. maybe it is for some people, but it wasn’t for me. it was a moment by moment gasping-for-breath clawing-at-my-neck kinda of gasp for help. and it came in the gentle answers, the whispers of the Holy Spirit, and the reminders that God would never leave me nor forsake me. I could only be strong because HE is! and you can too, beloved. Just ask HIM. RECEIVE HIS HELP IN THE GIFT OF HIS SON, JESUS! Celebrate this Easter knowing that there is light at end of the tunnel. and His JOY is waiting for us!
i’d love to pray with you. comment and i WILL reply!