Mar. 10, 2015 (beautiful bald man)

3/10/15 

Uncle J has come and gone. As much planning for after was done, as possible. (I HATE THIS!!) Home care is set up for a few hours a week…maybe i can just be his child and make memories without the worry of up-keep on his house. 

I shaved his head today…the hair fell out more than was cut off. It’s just hair and I hope he was OK when we left. 

Playing it Day by Day is harder than it sounds. 

But JOY is a choice.

I made a spreadsheet of his groceries and meds tonight–just trying to prepare and make things easier somehow. I keep reminding myself that this is not happening to me. Dad has cancer. Dad is dying. NOT ME.

Yes, I’m sad. Yes, i wake up with “what if___” playing on repeat. Yes, I’m afraid. Yes, I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH HIM SUFFER. But, it’s not me who will suffer.

So, I’m praying for him as he says, “goodbye.” Praying that ABBA will be merciful and tat Dad will not suffer too much.

Uncle J said that he hopes Dad just slips away in his sleep and doesn’t have to suffer through it. AND I DO TOO! I think the watching of it will be the hardest part. Knowing i can do nothing.  

That “terminal” is ugly!

Be merciful, Abba! Let him say “goodbye” then take him home. Home where he will not be weak, sick, or in pain.  Help us to see JOY in the everyday. Will YOU live with him and help him see You in each day that he has left on this side of eternity. “Be Thou My Vision, Oh Lord of my heart!”

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