i have to find my last birthday card from Dad. i realized last night that the things i will miss the most are his voice and his handwriting. i hate that i even think of these things, yet denial won’t help in the end.
i asked God to just take him last night. prolonging the inevitable seems harsh…but asking for the end seems even more so. it’s the watching and waiting that is the hardest to face. watching my hero turn into a frail dying man, hearing him say how “tired of it all” he is, how much he hurts, how sick of it all…saying “goodbye”, yet not.
I’m not strong enough to face more, not by half.
BUT i know that Abba only gives us one moment at a time for a reason.
will YOU help me to only focus on this moment and not the next? help me not to anticipate the pain that will the next one will be full of? Show me again and again how tightly You are holding our hands? Will YOU help me to feel that you are holding MY HAND? Thank You for daily reminding me that YOUR GRACE IS SUFFICIENT.