Sometimes I listen to myself as I talk and learn more than I intend. It’s like in the speaking I finally understand what has been rolling around inside my head.
Tonight, I shared more of my story than I intended to.
Sometimes OFTEN the words get away from me. Sadly.
It’s like once I’m in a comfortable environment the flood gates open and there is a gushing that I cannot control. (Man, I hope my filter switches to automatic!!) During the gush tonight, I learned many things:
- I’ve grown tired of the every present show that I used to put on. Claiming to be who I wasn’t. Knowing what I didn’t.
- I no longer see life as black and white, linear, or clean. It’s messy, twisty, and eclectic. Life is meant to be that way.
- Who I AM is ok! I don’t need to be like anyone else. My experiences are my own. My thoughts my own. My words my own.
I DONT WANT TO PRETEND OTHERWISE NOW! I WANT TO BE THE OPEN BOOK THAT I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE.
Should I perhaps consider more the words that I speak? Probably. Should I be timid and fearful to be me? Absolutely not!
I’m looking forward to discovering more about this person. Her depth in the Lord. Her voice that was discovered through excruciating experience. Maybe she’s a bit more grown-up and willing to share what she learned in the trenches.
Fundamentally different than she was before.
I think that’s what Abba intends for all of those who choose to follow Him. For us to walk with Him through every twist, turn, trench, and height. Learning and fundamentally being changed.
” Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2
May I be transformed because I let Him change me!!
BECAUSE I “present your (my) bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your (my) spiritual worship” Rom 12:1
What is the sacrifice for if not for TRANSFORMATION?! But in that transformation, we are made different…fundamentally. Like the fuzzy fat caterpillar who climbs into his cocoon. He emerges TOTALLY different because he sacrificed the caterpillar life. Oh may we do that, beloved!
But, let us also listen to this: “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” Rom 12:3
Let your path transform you and make you better! Not boastful.
This path is my own. Yet, if someone learns something from the messes that I’ve made along the way; if anyone gleans any wisdom from the wretch that is me, All Glory be to Jesus Christ! It’s His doing, not mine.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9