Messy us. 

Why are the wounded so often shot? I am so sick of the people who masquerade as “holy”.  Pretending that they have it all together, that they’re NOT a mess, when they DEFINITELY are. 

Those that make themselves look better by bullying others. Pretending to be grown-ups, when actually they are juvenile, insecure children who are just too scared to admit that they are a mess too. 

It embarrasses me for them. 

It would be easy to be furious. To stoop to the same level of bigotry and hurt. And to be quite honest, it would feel good, too. In my flesh anyway. 

But I am called to something higher and greater: FORGIVENESS!


So here’s what I say to the wounded Believers Among us:

You are holy & dearly loved! 

You are precious is Abba’s sight, the Apple of His eye. 

You are a member of a mass of messed-up people with issues just like yours. Not worse than, but maybe equal to. 

We are all unique in our individual mess, and we are all in this together. Not a one of us will make it out of here alive, but we can help each other stay afloat if we try

So, whoever told you that you weren’t worth it–their time, their effort, their energy, or their love- they were/are just liars and bullies! 


birth, life, torture, and death. All of it! 

If He is up against your personal bully, He’s the honest one! HE’S THE ONLY ONE who’s voice is worth listening to. He’s the only one who will ALWAYS be in your corner, cheering you on.

And to the “such were some of you”s, of whom I am the chief member:

In a world so full of crazy, it’s so hard to hold on to love. To look at it deep and desire for it to take root in your soul. 
So we retreat to our corners, tend our wounded, and love deep. 

But what about the ones outside our den of contentment? 

The easy is to be apathetic to anyone and EVERYONE else.

The simple is to let them take care of themselves, and say “they aren’t worth it.”

But is that Our call? 

Isn’t the call of EVERY believer to love as He loved?!

And here’s where I ask The questions: 

How do we love those who don’t want our love? 

How do we care for those who shove us away Everytime we open our arms? 

How do we continue to reach for those who may never trust us enough to accept the love we offer? 

I really have no clue! 

But maybe it’s written in the blood that still flows from Calvary. 

Maybe it’s in NOT SHOOTING THE WOUNDED among us!

Maybe it’s seeing ourselves in the injuries they wear, and loving like Our Lover does. 

Even if and when we do. Not. Know. How.

Maybe it’s doing it anyway. One moment at a time.  

I’m sorry for shooting first instead of loving. I hate that I see this ugly in me. That I let that same fear that gives the bully his power, overwhelm me. There is no excuse for it,only many MANY tear drenched apologies.  I am choosing to be a giver of love, tender of wounds, cry-with-me mama, forgiver of wrongs, wear-ER of thicker skin.   While I’m trying, will you?  Will you choose those same things in the moment, instead of after?  


Easter week for him

holidays are the hardest.

last Easter i went to church with him. my mom, sister and her family were here. dad was happy. reading and posting entries from the journal i kept last year, brings everything to the forefront of my memory. how it felt to hold his hand when we got the diagnosis. how it hurt to watch him cry. how i knew that i’d miss his snoring. Feeling Holiness touch me as I sat with him our last Easter.

Tomorrow is Good Friday. I wondered for a long time why it was called that.

Hebrews 12:1-3 says:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

i get it now.

For the JOY set before HIM he endured the cross…Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

The JOY set before Him was US! MY DAD! ME!

Jesus Christ Died so we could live!

He chose to die because Life with US for eternity IS JOY! His CHOSEN JOY!



Father, it is hard not to be sad. So very hard. I miss my Daddy…terribly. Thank You for calling me to journal his last year, and that You for asking me to share it. I don’t know who will read it, if anyone will, but I know the remembering for me is healing. If there’s anyone who needs to know it will be ok in the end…that mourning ebbs and flows like the tide, but you survive it. If anyone wonders how they will make it…I hope that by reading my messy thoughts, they see YOU! Your Hand that guided me through. Your hand that held us both as we walked the cancer path. Your arm that is now around my Daddy’s shoulders as he sits and talks with You. So, Thank YOU ABBA for loving my Dad and for dying to set him free!




I hope you are well, dear friend. Trusting Jesus when life is so hard you can hardly breathe, isn’t easy. maybe it is for some people, but it wasn’t for me. it was a moment by moment gasping-for-breath clawing-at-my-neck kinda of gasp for help. and it came in the gentle answers, the whispers of the Holy Spirit, and the reminders that God would never leave me nor forsake me. I could only be strong because HE is! and you can too, beloved. Just ask HIM. RECEIVE HIS HELP IN THE GIFT OF HIS SON, JESUS! Celebrate this Easter knowing that there is light at end of the tunnel. and His JOY is waiting for us!


i’d love to pray with you. comment and i WILL reply!

You are Not Alone, Beloved. (Psalm 10)

“Why do You stand afar off, O Lord?
Why do You hide in times of trouble?
The wicked in his pride persecutes the poor;
Let them be caught in the plots which they have devised.
For the wicked boasts of his heart’s desire;
He blesses the greedy and renounces the Lord.
The wicked in his proud countenance does not seek God;
God is in none of his thoughts.
His ways are always prospering;
Your judgments are far above, out of his sight;
As for all his enemies, he sneers at them.
He has said in his heart, “I shall not be moved;
I shall never be in adversity.”

Continue reading


why is it that we kill our own? why do we as believers hold each other to so high a standard, such an unattainable standard, that if WHEN we fail, we make each other feel like failures?
when did we become a body that looks with disdain at our members because they don’t happen to SIN the same as us? because she doesn’t bruise the same? Continue reading



2014-06-03 09.31.28

Eph 3:14-19 (ESV) says:

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”


and you, beloved, are SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!

NOTHING you can ever do can make you worthy of Jesus’ love!  you cannot be “good enough” to deserve it. you cannot be “bad enough” to be refused it.

The Love of Jesus Christ is a GIFT!

and once we receive it, once you realize that He died a criminal’s death for YOU, and that HE’D DO IT ALL AGAIN IF IT WERE REQUIRED…when you get that… then it’s yours. FOREVER! and beloved, YOU are smack dab in the middle of that inconceivable Love of Jesus!

yet for most of us, some days it still takes STRENGTH to COMPREHEND IT.

we let the enemy make us feel unworthy of something we can’t ever be worthy of?! I mean how stupid is that?

isn’t it more freeing to realize that there’s nothing you have to do to remain in that kind of Love!?

there is a security in knowing I am sealed into a cube of Jesus’ love! Safe and sound and shielded and home!


change of view


its funny how over time view changes

how we see ourselves.

how we see others.

how we see “things” in general.

i’m finding the longer that i walk with the Lord the more I see through His eyes.

i guess this is what “working out your salvation” really means.

not taking pieces of the Word to see what fits my life…but looking at things again and again from different angles till i see it His way.

view…what do i see when i see the hurting? the “lost”? the broken? the mourning among us?

what do i see?

there was a time when i saw what i wanted to see…judgement being an instinct.

and then mercy happened. (see definition)

i asked God to show me people  like He sees them.

so often i’ve gotten that part wrong too, but i think i’m finally starting to see it slightly more His way than mine.

looking at His kids like i look at my own.

loving them…crying with them…laughing with them…offering a hand up and a shoulder to cry on.

cause isn’t that what Jesus did?

i think that’s what loving the least of these looks that.

not judging them for their ick or even trying to fix it.

but just giving them something to eat, something to drink, clothing them, looking after and visiting them.

cause let’s face it…WE ALL HAVE ICK!

“There is no one righteous, not even one;
    there is no one who understands;
    there is no one who seeks God.
All have turned away,
    they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
    not even one.

instead let’s love and THEN help others keep out of the icky puddles.

not because we’re better…but because we know that this view is!




I was planted in the desert.

sprouted and thirsty

The Master Gardener transplanted me to fertile soil and i grew.

Tender roots seeking water deep deep down , spreading out in easier soil.

it’s not more fertile because of it’s location

it’s  not more fertile because of  the fellow shrubbery

IT IS  more fertile because I was created to grow where He planted me.

To sprout in a desert and to root deep in the soil in this bed.

He has staked me to Himself now.

Not to a supposedly good product or even a nearby wall. Himself!

He is the only one that never leaves…

that never changes…

that never gives up.

I may shoot my tendrils away, but He gently reaches for me, drawing me gently back into THE VINE.

I am content to be a branch.

Overjoyed to be so near Him.

“let me go deeper Master. I need more of You.”

I pray it…I want it…