in which i give myself a lecture

sometimes i have this internal lecture I give myself.

today’s lecture is brought to you by Proverbs 8 and goes something like this:
not everyone will agree with everything you do. sometimes someone will say they that don’t, but most times you will assume it, true or not.

either way, YOU listen and obey Jesus!

no one else is going to obey FOR you..and your excuses don’t impress Abba. they are not “reasons” or anything else but EXCUSES.

SO, when someone says something that you Could take as negative or something that will cause you to question what God is saying to you, YOU HAVE A CHOICE.  you can:

  • Listen to that assumption and let Satan distract you from the Path, continuing to be a bound up mess.

OR

because honey, you know His voice, but you’re REALLY GOOD at getting distracted from it. You’re REALLY GOOD at fear.  so, PLEASE FOR LOVE OF PETE do us a favor and STOP IT!! Trust Abba and obey!

you’ve spent way too much of this life letting others dictate your obedience. honey, you’re more grown now. you know HIM more. you KNOW the opinions that matter and the ones that DO NOT! YOU WANT HOLY SPIRIT POWER? REACH OUT AND GRAB IT!

embrace your calling! the time is Now!  Finally… Now!


 

while this is my internal lecture maybe it’s your’s too. maybe you need to learn what i need to learn…that YOU ALWAYS HAVE CHOICES. 

  • will you listen and obey?
  • will you let God use you for that thing He has set before you?
  • will you be who you really are, or will you keep pretending that you’re someone else?
  • will you let fear dictate your path?
  • who’s voice will you listen to?
  • WILL YOU CHOOSE WISDOM OR FOLLY?

some of your Path will lead to BIG things, and other parts of your PATH will lead to seemingly small things, but it is ultimately YOUR CHOICE on whether you answer WISDOM’S call or not.

 

Wisdom’s Call

Does not wisdom call out?
    Does not understanding raise her voice?
At the highest point along the way,
    where the paths meet, she takes her stand;
 beside the gate leading into the city,
    at the entrance, she cries aloud:
“To you, O people, I call out;
    I raise my voice to all mankind.
You who are simple, gain prudence;
    you who are foolish, set your hearts on it.
Listen, for I have trustworthy things to say;
    I open my lips to speak what is right.
 My mouth speaks what is true,
    for my lips detest wickedness.
All the words of my mouth are just;
    none of them is crooked or perverse.
To the discerning all of them are right;
    they are upright to those who have found knowledge.
 Choose my instruction instead of silver,
    knowledge rather than choice gold,
for wisdom is more precious than rubies,
    and nothing you desire can compare with her.

“I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence;
    I possess knowledge and discretion.
 To fear the Lord is to hate evil;
    I hate pride and arrogance,
    evil behavior and perverse speech.
 Counsel and sound judgment are mine;
    I have insight, I have power.
 By me kings reign
    and rulers issue decrees that are just;
by me princes govern,
    and nobles—all who rule on earth.
 I love those who love me,
    and those who seek me find me.
With me are riches and honor,
    enduring wealth and prosperity.
 My fruit is better than fine gold;
    what I yield surpasses choice silver.
I walk in the way of righteousness,
    along the paths of justice,
bestowing a rich inheritance on those who love me
    and making their treasuries full.

 “The Lord brought me forth as the first of his works,
    before his deeds of old;
 I was formed long ages ago,
    at the very beginning, when the world came to be.
 When there were no watery depths, I was given birth,
    when there were no springs overflowing with water;
 before the mountains were settled in place,
    before the hills, I was given birth,
 before he made the world or its fields
    or any of the dust of the earth.
 I was there when he set the heavens in place,
    when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep,
 when he established the clouds above
    and fixed securely the fountains of the deep,
 when he gave the sea its boundary
    so the waters would not overstep his command,
and when he marked out the foundations of the earth.
     Then I was constantly at his side.
I was filled with delight day after day,
    rejoicing always in his presence,
rejoicing in his whole world
    and delighting in mankind.

“Now then, my children, listen to me;
    blessed are those who keep my ways.
Listen to my instruction and be wise;
    do not disregard it.
 Blessed are those who listen to me,
    watching daily at my doors,
    waiting at my doorway.
 For those who find me find life
    and receive favor from the Lord.
But those who fail to find me harm themselves;
    all who hate me love death.” Proverbs 8 (NIV)

 

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Hold on Tightly

Have you ever met someone, and instantly after you realize that you really want to get to know them? That they are the kind of people that you want to be around and to learn from? You want them in your life, to be a consistent part of it?  I have two such friends that are on my heart today.

I want to learn from them. I want to be better because of them.

Continue reading

my heart in my hands

In The Four Loves C.S. Lewis writes:

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is hell.

closing yourself off is MUCH easier than loving people. Continue reading

To be fully known 

we use too many words, don’t you think? 

Sometimes not even the ones we wanted to use when we started a conversation.

We use the ‘correct” ones. the meaningful. the kind. the gentle. and sometimes when we aren’t in the mood to edit them, we use the ugly. 

We use words we can think of on the spot. We use words that we have to meditate on for a bit.

We even use different ones depending on the audience or situation.

words chosen that will not offend. words they want to hear, instead of what they need to. words thought of and not. words that flow easily and ones that stick to the tongue. And if you’re like me, you even have ones that forget to show up when you need them. 

I’m thankful for God-given loved ones that I can just be with and not need THE RIGHT words. People that I dont have to think so hard in order to talk to. 

That’s one of the many things I love about THE FATHER, He never uses the wrong ones. 

 He doesn’t even needs our words to know our heart, we can just sit with Him because we don’t need to speak!

we can be quiet. Still. WORDLESS.

Abba never uses to many or to few.

He never fumbles over His tongue or gets flustered when the ones that escape are misunderstood. He says what He means to say the first time. AnD He never gets it wrong nor does He concern himself with our reaction. 

He never even gets tongue-tied! (I wonder what that’s like.)

Maybe the more I know Him, the more I love Him, the more I strive to emulate Him, these words that I stumble over will come easier?

Maybe I’ll know when to speak and when to listen.

Maybe I’ll have more of His words and less of mine. 

Maybe then when words don’t come i’ll be content in the quiet.

 i think there’s a bit of growth in a wordless quiet. a bit of time to heal without thought. a bit of rest.
maybe it’s a spacious place. maybe it’s a small cozy nook of happy.

i don’t know…but i think i’d like to visit and stay a while.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1 Corinthians 13:11-12



 I long for the day when “I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”  

Fundament changes in the sacrificing

Sometimes I listen to myself as I talk and learn more than I intend. It’s like in the speaking I finally understand what has been rolling around inside my head. 

Tonight, I shared more of my story than I intended to. Sometimes OFTEN the words get away from me. Sadly. 

It’s like once I’m in a comfortable environment the flood gates open and there is a gushing that I cannot control. (Man, I hope my filter switches to automatic!!) During the gush tonight, I learned many things:

  • I’ve grown tired of the every present show that I used to put on. Claiming to be who I wasn’t. Knowing what I didn’t. 
  • I no longer see life as black and white, linear, or clean. It’s messy, twisty, and eclectic. Life is meant to be that way. 
  • Who I AM is ok! I don’t need to be like anyone else. My experiences are my own. My thoughts my own. My words my own. 

I DONT WANT TO PRETEND OTHERWISE NOW! I WANT TO BE THE OPEN BOOK THAT I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE. 

Should I perhaps consider more the words that I speak? Probably. Should I be timid and fearful to be me? Absolutely not!

I’m looking forward to discovering more about this person. Her depth in the Lord. Her voice that was discovered through excruciating experience. Maybe she’s a bit more grown-up and willing to share what she learned in the trenches. 

Fundamentally different than she was before. 

I think that’s what Abba intends for all of those who choose to follow Him. For us to walk with Him through every twist, turn, trench, and height. Learning and fundamentally being changed. 

” Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

May I be transformed because I let Him change me!!

BECAUSE I “present your (my) bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your (my) spiritual worship” Rom 12:1

What is the sacrifice for if not for TRANSFORMATION?! But in that transformation, we are made different…fundamentally. Like the fuzzy fat caterpillar who climbs into his cocoon. He emerges TOTALLY different because he sacrificed the caterpillar life.  Oh may we do that, beloved!

But, let us also listen to this: “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” Rom 12:3 

Let your path transform you and make you better! Not boastful. 

This path is my own. Yet, if someone learns something from the messes that I’ve made along the way; if anyone gleans any wisdom from the wretch that is me, All Glory be to Jesus Christ! It’s His doing, not mine. 

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,  not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9


hello again. (fmf 11/4/16)

i havent been in this space for what feels like ages.

i’m not sure why, other than that who i was before, is now who i am now. but isn’t that true of all of us?

life happens, time passes, and we are different.

this part of my journey  is new and looks so different from it what did before.

i read someplace that God allows us to go thru hard things so that we can learn things that we’d never learn any other way.

it feels weird that i am so different now. odd that my last year with my father changed so much of who i am in my core. what i believe now is different.

how i view life and living is different.

who i consider my true friends are is different.

how i relate on “normal” days to my children is different.

how i love my man is different.

how i view God had His people is different.

maybe i grew up a bit more while i was walking with my dad down the last bend on this earth. i think by helping him finish his journey well helped me to discover more of my own.

i told a friend the other day, “i’m not sure who the woman is who looks back at the mirror at me anymore….she’s lost her voice.”

and maybe she has. maybe i don’t know her because i’ve never been her before. but i think she’s braver, stronger, more no-nonsense and real. maybe i’ll grow to like her in time.

(5min up)

i hope you’ll stick around and find out if you like her as well.

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