Protected: Regret is a nasty thing

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Fundament changes in the sacrificing

Sometimes I listen to myself as I talk and learn more than I intend. It’s like in the speaking I finally understand what has been rolling around inside my head. 

Tonight, I shared more of my story than I intended to. Sometimes OFTEN the words get away from me. Sadly. 

It’s like once I’m in a comfortable environment the flood gates open and there is a gushing that I cannot control. (Man, I hope my filter switches to automatic!!) During the gush tonight, I learned many things:

  • I’ve grown tired of the every present show that I used to put on. Claiming to be who I wasn’t. Knowing what I didn’t. 
  • I no longer see life as black and white, linear, or clean. It’s messy, twisty, and eclectic. Life is meant to be that way. 
  • Who I AM is ok! I don’t need to be like anyone else. My experiences are my own. My thoughts my own. My words my own. 

I DONT WANT TO PRETEND OTHERWISE NOW! I WANT TO BE THE OPEN BOOK THAT I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE. 

Should I perhaps consider more the words that I speak? Probably. Should I be timid and fearful to be me? Absolutely not!

I’m looking forward to discovering more about this person. Her depth in the Lord. Her voice that was discovered through excruciating experience. Maybe she’s a bit more grown-up and willing to share what she learned in the trenches. 

Fundamentally different than she was before. 

I think that’s what Abba intends for all of those who choose to follow Him. For us to walk with Him through every twist, turn, trench, and height. Learning and fundamentally being changed. 

” Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2

May I be transformed because I let Him change me!!

BECAUSE I “present your (my) bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your (my) spiritual worship” Rom 12:1

What is the sacrifice for if not for TRANSFORMATION?! But in that transformation, we are made different…fundamentally. Like the fuzzy fat caterpillar who climbs into his cocoon. He emerges TOTALLY different because he sacrificed the caterpillar life.  Oh may we do that, beloved!

But, let us also listen to this: “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.” Rom 12:3 

Let your path transform you and make you better! Not boastful. 

This path is my own. Yet, if someone learns something from the messes that I’ve made along the way; if anyone gleans any wisdom from the wretch that is me, All Glory be to Jesus Christ! It’s His doing, not mine. 

“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,  not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9


just practicing

just practicing

i’m an eavesdropper a listener.

sometimes my quiet is because i’m just listening.

so much to learn about who people are when they are talking to someone else.

words spoken under breath as people walk past. the “hmph”s and the mumbled. (i wonder why they don’t say something?)

so often gossip comes by proxy. “poor dear” becomes “did you know_______?!”

 

then the positive and loving things  i hope are said on a regular basis.. “he’s just so precious.” “I picture her as _____.” said with a smile.

the blushing smile he didn’t get to see…the one she in unsure she wants him to notice.

the laughter–deep belly laughs from way down where joy lives.

the conversations between lovers and friends. beautiful words.

i read a quote about listening a while back. it sits on my shoulder playing on repeat.

“we don’t listen to hear, we listen to respond.”

so, maybe this is practice. head down, pen to paper. ears open.

the more i hear the more i know i miss in my mental preparations to respond.

~s

 

 

 

 

 

 

linking up:

 


“Some People’s Lives”

this song has been playing on repeat in my head for days.

it’s such a sad song…but these lines are such a great answer to that sadness:

“Doesn’t anybody tell them?
Doesn’t anybody see?
Doesn’t anybody love them
like you love me?
‘Cause that’s all they need.”

LOVE is a great answer, isn’t it?!

saying how much we LOVE.

showing how much we LOVE.

being genuine in LOVE.

being consistent in LOVE.

LOVING like He loves us…”… love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” Jhn. 13:34-35

LOVING our mates.

LOVING our children.

LOVING those He has given into our care.

LOVING the friends who sometimes endure us because they need us too.

LOVING “‘Cause that’s all they need.”

 

Heartless by Anne Elisabeth Stengl (a book review)

This is my first ever book review, not that I plan on doing many others. But anyway :),THIS IS A GREAT BOOK! The first in The Tales of Goldstone Wood series by Anne Elisabeth Stengl.

Heartless is a fantasy book full of Faerie beings, princess drama, love, and mystery.

The story follows Princess Una in her dramatic search for love and The Prince of Farthestshore’s devotion to her despite her refusal of his hand in marriage.

Wound into this story is the truth of Jesus’ devotion to us! I love, only finishing, books that aren’t corny when it comes to Christianity. I hate it when authors make believers out to be fake and weird. This book definitely doesn’t do that!

Ok enough of the “let’s write a review”-ness and let me tell you why I liked it.

Princess Una is a coming of age princess who thinks she knows what she wants. She has this idea of the life she wants inside of her head, yet has NO CLUE about what life really is. So, she falls for the first moron who shows her attention, despite the fact that he doesn’t get her eye color right when he serenades her. Get’s all in a huff when he flees from the kingdom seeking another way to pay his debts. She scorns the honorable suitor because he isn’t exciting enough, yet falls for the court Jester who tells her so little of himself.

She eventually succumbs to her desires for a love she shouldn’t, and turns into a heartless dragon who thinks she ONLY deserves the fire that is fueled by her pain. Only when she lets herself be killed by The Prince of Farthestshore’s love, when he gives her his heart, does she see what He was offering all along.

This is so like so many of us.  Accepting what we think we want only to regret it later.

Princess Una turned into a monster who listened to the lies of “death in life” and loathed herself for it. Even though she knew the Dragon was a liar…she let him persuade her that he wasn’t.

Ladies, let’s not forget that satan IS A JERK! HE WILL TELL YOU LIES THEN MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR BELIEVING THEM!

As much as I hate the way so many Christians girls, and women, act like Jesus is their boyfriend, I love the truth that we are His BRIDE.

That He will do and HAS DONE everything possible to woo us and win our hearts.

And should the most horrible of things happen, should we lose our way completely, if we give our heart away and it gets crushed or burned to smithereens, He will give us a new heart…HIS HEART OF FLESH!

And THAT is the most beautiful of TRUTH!

Knit

There are few things that allow “stillness” in my mind.

With two crazy little tooters, quiet is a precious commodity! So much so that  I’ll often just sit in the quiet when I’m alone. Listening to the clock ticking in the other room.

On most days however, quiet is not easy to come by.

So, I Knit.

I learned when I was a little girl, but favored crochet instead. As an adult I hate to crochet and rather love the clicking of my needles.

I’ve been at the “intermediate” level for quite a long while, but I”m ok with that!

I don’t do it for beauty…or to make cozy socks that are multi-colored.

I knit for peace.

Yarn holds a peace about it for me.

I can walk around inside my mind when I knit.

I pray and commune with the Father. Asking questions that I’m afraid to let past my lips. {We’ve been hashing out those questions for a while now…maybe we’re getting somewhere…maybe we’ll still be working it out years from now.}

For some reason, with Yarn in hand,  I can be more real with HIM and be unashamed of who the inside Shannon is. The girl who is just a little girl needing her ABBA to hold her and just BE with her!

I can put aside tradition and the “Christian” persona, and just be me.

I’m more me when I knit.

Does that sound odd?

I hope that all of us find some place or something that gives us that kind of freedom.